This picture was taken 4 days before I received my cancer diagnosis. Chasing down a 20 month long pandemic of 100 lockdowns, with a hospitalization, a medical leave, and then cancer was not how I pictured my 40s. My world has become something out of a movie. After a couple major psychotic breaks, breakdowns, and breakthroughs, I realize now the words of my psycho - oncologist, “If you want to know the true character of people in your life, go to jail, or get cancer,” and holy fuck what she ever right.

I know what you’re thinking, “you should write a book,” but I no longer have the energy nor the vocabulary. My full - time job now is hanging out with good people who will listen. I’m like a real life audiobook. And looking back now, my biggest regret is working 4 jobs and never having time to do just that: hanging out with good people and talking about life.

I have no more insights than the ordinary person who is experiencing what I am. But as a single woman in her 40s, coming face to face with her mortality, I am hijacked in ways I could have never comprehended before. I am not worried about cancer, because I have encountered worse people and circumstances in my life. Cancer has brought into my life the most amazing people; I’ve experienced the most beautiful side of humanity, as well as the ugly. It has shaken me to my core and I am so grateful for this. I am paying attention now. I never did before. I was listening to everyone and everything besides my own spirit and intuition.

I won’t be sharing my cancer journey with you here. You’ll need to meet me at a coffee shop for that kind of chat. I will be sharing my insights, lessons, and breakthroughs. This blog is for everyone. It’s written by me, but it’s a collective memoir of womxn who live alone: unevents, mistakes, and miracles. Sharing this with you is my life’s work. I am honored you are joining me on this journey.

Some topics I will be covering and might be offensive to some readers:

I’m fat. Yes, I know it and I am as uncomfortable about it as you are.

Money is energy. It’s either happy money or sad money.

Darkness. No one enters it voluntarily, they are taken.

Broke and broken. Workaholism and therapy.

I’m an introvert. My hobby is sleeping.

Gay men saved my life.

I’m not busy. No one really is.

I’m single. No, it’s not the worst thing that has happened to me. Yes, stupid question.

Friends, unfriends, and new friends.

Tumors and exes.

I don't have a post schedule because I have cancer. But come back and check up on me and my musings!

#compassion #unapologeticsovereignty #selflove #mindfulness #SelfAwareness #compassion